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I dont know if this made me feel better, but I appreciated her taking the time to talk about the questions I have. I miss you. Whatever this baby is, it will be loved. We have about one idea for a first name. Ill check in with you later. It is already her name, and she is not even here. Pregnancy. Ronan. And that is all I want more than anything in the world. You two had a bond and almost a secret language. He promised to help me fuck cancer and Im not letting him go anywhere other than here, to do that. I am not doing anything else. The little mannequin dressed up like you, looked just like you did when you actually wore the costume. I promise to make you proud. You werent naughty. I dont want to sit and punch things or hurt myself. Those moments mean so much to me. So funny. And in the cancer world, with this organization, that is absolutely the case. Healthy and living and there should be nothing to complain about, ever. I remember telling her about you. Im alone. Thats what landed me in bed and somehow sucked me into the land of reality television which is so far from reality that it makes me want to barf. This is why they are still in my life. But most of all, I miss you. Ronan is not going to let anything happen to you. That phone call that has had me down on my knees every day and night, begging and screaming to you to please DO NOT LET THIS BE STAGE IV FUCKING BULLSHIT CANCER AGAIN. Ive been writing about your treatment, which has been hard. I only wish it were your body wearing it. Listen, I cannot even fathom what you have gone through and will go through for the rest of your life. As in The Ronan Thompson Foundation has an office! Ive learned to become the ultimate pain hider. I think Im dying. Maybe, but its the only way I feel like I can survive. I was only there, for you. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that you are dead and the world is just going on when mine seems to be standing still. Posted on July 28, 2011 July 28, 2011 Categories Uncategorized Tags angels, arizona, Cancer, childhood cancer, Childhood Disease, Family, god, Lazer Tag, Mr. Sparkly Eyes, Neuroblastoma, Phoenix, Rockstar Ronan, sloan kettering, The Ronan Thompson Foundation, true love 11 Comments on Moneyball, Liz. This year, I know the things in my life that I will be thankful for and my list wont include stupid black friday. on Dear Grief/Pregancy, You will NOT kill mysoul. Of course I said, HECK YES! Because I dont like to say no to anything anymore especially if it can help with more awareness. Fuck. It doesnt seem possible. I can be brave. Not because I dont love it. I told your brothers. Please. Complainers are everywhere. About you and all of these other kids who are dying left and right from childhood cancer.I am so thankful for the people who are now paying attention and fighting the good fight, but I just dont understand whythe wholeworld isnt in an uproar over this. No mother is strong enough to survive something like this. You can see the link for the website here. I huffed and puffed. He said he knew it. He knows that Ive been staying up late, working on this book and I listened to him as he said with urgency in his voice, that I need to get this done so I can Fuck Cancer. I know what the urgency meant.